The programmed headlines of a new window reads the words “compose” as I attempt at translating strangled thoughts into sentences. My mind is furthest from composed. There was a time when I was a custodian of my mind, filing thoughts and ideas neatly away for future reference. I sought pride in the collection of epiphanies and comfort in the idea they were not lost in the humdrum of everyday life. A time of composed composition. And now I find only moments of pure agony of the thoughts gnawing away at the walls of my skull, itching to be let free.
But that night, the creatures of the night sing rhythmically to nature’s metronome, freeing my thoughts with every beat. It struck me that the of the nocturnal converse not a second before or after they are meant to, and I wondered whether humans interactions runs on the same beat. If there are moments that we are meant to act upon and not, moments that we are meant to be and not to be. By unknowingly speaking at the second between the beat, will it lead us to live a life off beat and off tune – forever disturbing the balance of life? Will an unscripted cry disturb the consistency and predictability of the world around us?
If not, does one find success in the rhythm of staged directions, not moving a second before or after; or in the plot twist of the final scene, unexpected?
Were we made to live each day to the beat of the metronome, unchanging, predictable- like the chirps of those who inhabited the forest on that summer night? Or is the human meant to live by the beat of the heart: unsteady and ever-changing? Are not the moments of a skipped or hastened heart beat the moments that make us feel that we are truly alive?
I found the answer in the world around me. In the unpredictability of the people- in their laughs, cries, mistakes, and regrets– the same unpredictability which I found within myself. That us, humans, only know how to live by the beat of the heart. Or none would speak or act out of turn, and we too, would fill the world with rhythmic buzzing, not a second after or before.
- New Metronomes! (aumusiclibrary.wordpress.com)